I guess it's been a hot minute since my last entry, huh? The last half of last year feels like a blur. It had more ups than downs, but was mostly uneventful, I think? I should write more of these so I remember. A tree fell in our yard during the rainy season. It was a childhood tree of mine. It had a swing on it, & my family had picnics and barbecues under it. The yard looks so much bigger now. I won't say, "More empty," because that's so forlorn.
Making a huge effort to be in good spirits. The relationship vibes are mostly down at the moment. Thankfully, my primary partner is very patient and excellent and seems to be on the up and up, so I will ride their shiny coattails until I can stand up again.
Let's see, what's a good thing we've got going on? Weight is down, money's doing okay. At the end of the month I'm going to a renaissance faire with my partner and their D&D crew!! That's going to be SO AWESOMEEEE!!! I get to break out my medieval garb and be a goober with them. It's gonna be epic :D
Anything else? My brain's being a little funny today. Not making any happy juice, so I'll just try to focus on the good. Except, one thought: Mom passed in 2023... that's insane. It feels like half a year ago. Anyway!!!! I will do my best to take care of myself, and this wash of ennui will pass. I hope you all are staying hydrated, taking care, and finding contentedness.

All the best,
ohmi

I'm back! I'm back from my trip to Ontario, I'm back from my birthday weekend, I'm so back! My visit with my partner and metamour went lovely, much fun and love and support was had. Then a bit of a tumultuous following week full of heart to heart discussions with my primary partner. Then! My birthday weekend! On Friday was a wonderful virtual hang with my partner + metamour, I got to draw and play Balatro with them. Saturday was brunch with my Daddio, then a wedding at an ice rink! It was short, sweet, and perfect. They played a song for me for my birthday. My friends are pretty great! After, I went to my buddy's place, we hung out until their kiddos went to bed and then watched Godzilla Minus One and an episode of Dungeon Meshi. Sunday was HIIT training on the bike, a short hang with my partner, a walk in the park with my best friend & her pup Odin, a piano session with Jerry, and wrapped it up with a weekend wrap-up with my primary! VEEEERY busy! I feel so happy, and loved, and full of affection. Now... to focus on seeing my primary this weekend in SF!!!! In the words of Dr. Cigarettes, WHAAAT THAT'S CRAAAZYY

All the best,
ohmi

I'm tired of being exhausted! I'm more introverted than I like to admit. I need people so much, but I'm really, really very tired of them. I fear saying something like that out loud makes it so everyone will disappear, and then I'll be lonely. But for fuck's sake! I need to be alone for a while!

Got back into an art kick. Starting a new schedule at work that might allow me more time to draw. Having so many important talks with my partners! I GET TO SEE ONE IN TWO WEEKS! I'd like to get back into a fasting lifestyle. It was really really working for me for a while. I can exercise all I want, but if my calorie intake is normal, even, then I simply don't lose weight. I just need to keep, keep trying! Try new things until something sticks! Ganbatte me, take care, and take the time you need!

All the best,
ohmi

Partner's going home again. We spent four wonderful days together. Went to the beach, climbed rocks, looked at splungers & got chased by the waves. Drove around beautiful, lush northern California. Watched classic animated films, and not-so-classic Kung Fu Panda 4. Had electrically charged moments and shroom filled adventures.
Some goodbyes are easier than others, but they're all hard. This one is especially so. I'm tired of saying goodbye. I love our packed schedules, our experiences, sharing special moments. But I want to be boring with them. I want the quiet moments. I want to be in the same discord group chat fifty feet away from eachother. I want to curate a folder of beautifully rendered art and then see their expression when they appreciate it. I want to lay on our couch and watch a movie after work. I want to need alone time. God I miss them already.

All the best,
ohmi

Guys. Guuuuys. I am so stupid in love it's CRAZY. I visited my partner last month and we had suchhh a nice time. I got to meet their folks in Oregon, eat some dang ass good food, see their home in Santa Monica, meet their friends, and eat some more dang ass good food.
We went to karaoke for their friend's engagement celebration, and y'all. I had an experience I never want to forget for all of eternity. We sang as a duet... to Live and Learn by Crush 40. That is just... so nutritious for my soul. It was so electric, energetic, and they absolutely nailed it.
Then, hold up, then... the very last song, we had a minute left before we had to leave, they squeezed one more song in. And sang... Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows. DEDICATED TO ME. They knew it inside and out. I was burning inside. Nobody has ever made such a gesture to me before. I want to tuck that into the folds of my brain to call on when I need it.
So, yeah. I get to see them this weekend (: I'm so happy.

R.I.P. my mom 7/10/23

All the best,
ohmi

Hi all!! It's been a bit since I've written a journal entry, with good reason. I've just finished moving, because... I'm getting divorced! ^^ It's a long and arduous process, but it's going to be for the best for both of us. I just know it. I already feel much lighter and more free, with bouts of loneliness. My friends are wonderful and supportive!! I just got back from a visit with my good friend Emma, and I'm feeling invigorated and loved. I have more time for creative freedom, and I'm looking forward to being more Online!! I've missed you all!!!!

Side note, I skimmed through my journal entries off-handedly to laugh at how infrequently I update, and. Holy shit. What terrible times I have gone through. It's a miracle I'm alive. Chin up, folx! Hang in there hang in there!!

All the best,
ohmi

Let's recount some good stuff happening. I finished Tumble in the Jungle! It took me a year, let's never take that long on anything again hahaha. I'm working with some professionals to help me keep healthy! Working out physically, getting help mentally! I'm making new friends who are very cool, and into cool things that I like to hear about (: I'm interested in tattooing, and I'd like to work on getting an apprenticeship! More art more art more art! Dynastic came out with a new album that I like so far, I hope it's a bop like the last one~ My partner and I went out to see Nope and it was AWESOME! We LOOOOVED it, and want to see it again! And next week we're going into San Francisco to see Comedy Bang Bang LIVE! I'm excited to see Scott Aukerman and Paul F Tompkins do their thing~ And this Saturday I'm starting a BRAND NEW D&D campaign, set in Strixhaven, the school of magic, called Curriculum of Chaos! WOOO
I don't want to shadow over the hard things happening right now, but I think it's really important that I shed light on the good things, too. Let's balance out these scales. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and there's no shame in spreading a little love.

All the best,
ohmi

Oh boy. My manic energy is compounding in on itself in a destructive way. On one hand, I love how much energy I have! I feel like I can go a mile a minute and manage thinking about the million projects I have currently. However I hit a stage-dive around the Blood Moon. My anxiety is manifesting in chewing my fingernails again (something I managed to stop since October ;_;) and having trouble sleeping. Energy drinks have been focusing me but extremely dehydrating. My seams are starting to show.
In good news, I only have one commission project on my plate. In bad news, it's a pretty big project. I finally got everything else out of the way and can focus on wrangling this thing down! However I mapped out my current progress, how long it took me to get here, and how long I have left and it is... daunting. Plus it's my first experience with something that the client (a friend of mine!) is looking to publish, so. It feels pretty big. But it'll get done, and holding onto that fact is keeping me going.
Other than that, my hormones are going fucking crazy. So, whatever emotions I'm feeling currently, no matter how small, are now bumped up to 1000%. So, that's exhausting. Let's check back in a week and see how I've managed to survive, haha.

All the best,
ohmi

Hi, all! I'm back to journaling and feeling pretty good about it. Just last week I read a book called The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington. It's a sort of... business-minded self-help book. I think usually these things kind of bounce off of me, but it was recommended to my by a friend of mine who has a true entrepreneurial spirit. In the book it mentions having weekly check-ins with a person or group to keep you on track, and, well... I'm meeting with her! Getting to talk and splurge about the creative process and what steps to take to keep commitments and goals is invigorating! I think it will be invaluable to how I approach work and creativity going forward.

Aside from that, I'm also going to couple's counseling. Maintaining a relationship is hard, especially when you have two people whose parents had no tools for maintaining a healthy relationship. So, together my partner and I are learning how to live and care for eachother in a way that is sustainable and healthy. ANYWAY that's all I'll say about that, other than it's hard but going well!!!!

All the best,
ohmi

Okay, well. It's been a bit since I've updated. A lot has happened. I got in a car crash and my new car was totaled. I quit my job. Got scammed by a potential new job, which left me in the worst financial spot I've ever found myself in. And having a hard time coping with post-quarantine physique. All things considered, however, were a few months/weeks ago, and I'm trying my best to get back on track! Thanks to the infinite kindness of friends and followers, I was able to make it through with emergency commissions (not something I ever want to do again) after asking for some help. I have things to look forward to: A new well-paying job, a trip to Toronto, and that's that. Chin up, folx, it gets better from here :strong:

Eventually I'd like to throw together a manuscript for Questward, as I also work on Divine Pulse or even a new Quantum Century. Also working on starting Tumble In The Jungle with my friend Ashley. Work, work. Keep busy so I forget why I'm sad. Chin up, anyway, and all that.

All the best,
ohmi

I have so many THINGS happening! I got a haircut on Saturday, and then immediately after a person working at a drive thru said, "I like your style!" Which, honestly, is just the coolest unprompted compliment I could ever receive! I was just positively glowing for the rest of the day after that. I'm getting married on Thursday! It's a low-key Zoom court-house wedding, but I'm really stoked for it and I'm happy that it's finally happening. Aaaand I laid down some serious dough for a high-quality model of Aubrey from a popular 3D modeler on Twitter and I am just incredibly stoked that he accepted to take on Aubs and I'm just so so pumped to see and play with her model. Art work has picked up so I'm looking to crank out some serious pieces and catch up with my queue and, just, wow. Things are happening. Thank you for reading! Wish you all health & safety.

All the best,
ohmi

Gosh, I think things have just kind of built up to a peak for me. But I mean, still trying pretty hard to keep my head up! Let's see, what are some good things happening. I'm getting married on April 1st (not a joke LOL), my schedule has changed so I have three days off (which is hard but good for me!), and ummmm. Ummmmmmm. Gettin ready for that stimmy baby. No, just kidding. But I've been kind of down and my diet has just plummeted, and the worst part is that it's starting to show. However! My ankle, which still hurts, has been allowing (how gracious) me to play some DDR so... I dunno, breaking a sweat might help me feel better. I had a friend of mine be kind of mean to me, and, well. I should know better, because he's always like that, but it still hurts. And the worst part is that it leaves me thinking: Why do I care? Because I do care. About him, I mean. So, it just makes it suck a little more. We have a difficult relationship... That I feel like would be better without me.

ANYWAYY, enough of me being mopey! As I always say: Things Will Get Better. I hope everyone out there is trying their best as well, and I wish you all health and sanity.

All the best,
ohmi

I've experienced an emotion that I hadn't felt since high school: Rejection. Which, I'd wager, not feeling it for so long is probably not a good thing! I've joined a writing forum. They're the serious types, hardcore critiquing and seeking to publish themselves. Livelihoods at stake, here. And here I am, doofy and such, I swoop in and get my first thread asking for help Deleted. It was an interest-check. I submitted my site to be read to see if anyone was interested. I asked why it was deleted, or if there was a better way to ask my question, and the response was more of an... "This isn't what this forum is for" with no real... construction. There was no suggestion from this all-powerful mod with probably a lot more knowledge than me on the topic. And, well, I cried! The emotion wasn't so much of a, "This is so unfair, they were mean to me, nyeh nyeh," but more of a, "I gathered courage to put myself out there to get better and I got Erased." It stung!

And, well. What else is there to do but keep trying? I want to play by their rules, while also expressing my doofy self. I want to be a better writer, while still having a voice. And! I want to face rejection with a shrug. I've never handled rejection well, I'm a bit of a crybaby. So, I mean, I just want to get rejected more, so that it doesn't affect me as much! Which means I have to put myself out there! Which is exactly what I want to do! So, get ready for the water works. 'Cause there's probably more on the way.

All the best,
ohmi

Bought my first (used) car! With my own saved up money, of which I have no more of! Woo hoo! It's a 2015 (which is a 14 year improvement upon my previous car) Ford Focus. I went with the Focus because that's what my dad has, and well, he might know how to work on it... in case anything goes bad... huhuhu. It's windows are tinted crazy black, which nobody is really sure is legal. We'll see if I get pulled over and play the dumb card. The interior is crazy nice, and actually has Bluetooth! I was only hoping for an aux cable upgrade, but lucked out on the wireless technology! Ohh the little things... Also as a backup cam, which I need, because the rear window is tinted so dark I literally can't see out of it (which I love for the privacy but holy shit let me see). Aaaand the previous owners hot-boxed the everloving Hell out of it, so it does smell like entering a thick fog of the dankest kush your brain could fathom. The stench sticks to my clothes, so I'll have to do something about that... But until then, it's a wicked good ride and I'm very proud to feel so independant and treat myself to a big ole' adult purchase.

In other news, I'm still trying to alter my schedule to have more freedom as far as sinking time and effort into my art business, if I really want to call it that. By "trying" I mean, "thinking really really hard about it and hoping something manifests out of it." Really, I just have to talk to my supervisor and see if I can lose some hours to pick up through art. Sigh. That's a scary thought. And the only reason why I'm even considering something so risky is because my student loans (half of them) have been delayed until September. Really, the smart move would be to continue working full-time and sink some real dough into my student loans while they're interest-free. But even then, it's not like they'd be paid off completely in one year, so I feel like now could be an opportunity to establish a work relationship that's healthy, creative, and sustainable. Wow what a concept!

Anyway, thanks for looking through a window into my life. A heavily, heavily tinted window. That you probably couldn't see through.

All the best,
ohmi

Good god this year is terrible so far, isn't it? Like. Wow! I'm trying to make the best of it so far, while attempting to keep my head above water. I moved my main computer, cintiq, and all my streaming stuff into a small cottage in a city over. It took a lot of setting up, including cleaning the whole thing inside and out, taking the things out of it, and buying an outdoor cat6 ethernet cable and running it from the main house to the cottage (which entailed drilling holes into buildings. Righteous.) Anyway, that was an exhausting endeavor that I am still not done with, so whoopee. Getting it set up to do the art is so tiring that I haven't quite gotten to the Do Art part.

I'm also going to attempt to buy my first car this weekend. All of my cars thus far have been hand-me-downs, so this will be a huge step for me as far as independence and, well, aesthetic. It'll be the newest car I've ever owned, if all goes well. I'm vibrating with anticipation, really. Terrified and exhilarated. I hate to spend this money. Especially right now. When, really, this is also the most amount of money I've ever had at one time (don't get all excited, it's not much.) But it just breaks my heart to see it go. That can't be a healthy relationship with money... Anyway, I'm back to work. Much love to everyone out there, stay healthy, stay safe.

All the best,
ohmi

Ate shit while skateboarding and sprained my right ankle and arm. Been out of work for a week and recuperating. I think my arm might actually be fractured, but I can still move around and thankfully draw and type. I want to take the opportunity off of work to practice with my tablet and learn Blender (as opposed to Maya, which I know a lot more about). It's going to be a pain in my ass to relearn 3D in a completely new program, but its capabilities are growing SO much, it's free, and it does the kind of art that I want to do. So, I'll learn. I hope everyone had a good Halloween. I binge watched scary movies with my fiance, binge ate chocolate, and binge sat trying to rest my injuries haha.

In more recent and personal news, yesterday I had the most wonderful day. I was able to sleep in, got a little further in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon (as well as Hades, a truly great game), and my mom came over to help me out. She really put the work in. She made her awesome chicken soup that she makes around this time every year to make sure none of us get the flu, as well as garlic bagels (and did my dishes, bless her). Once my dad was off work, he came over for dinner too! That was a pleasant surprise. We put on Over The Moon, a Netflix animated musical that just blew me away. Mom passed out before the opening credits (she was exhausted), and Dad kept poking fun at story tropes in the movie. There was a point where I had the captions on because some of the names and pronunciations were Chinese so I thought it would help, and my dad leaned over and says, "Do we need the captions on? It's not like I'm hard of hearing." So I turned them off, and not five minutes later he leans over and says, "What'd that guy say?" And I laughed my whole ass off. We had JUST turned the captions off, are you serious!

After dinner, my parents left and I saw I had a call from my big brother. I called him back, and the noise on the other line was RAUCOUS. He, his wife, and his two kids were in the middle of a Super Mario game. Practically the first thing that was coherent that I could pick out was, "We're coming over to your island!" And, before I knew it, I was leading my niece around my Animal Crossing island showing her my fun things, while my nephew baby-babbled to me over the phone about his Halloween (he was Spider-Man) and sang This Is Halloween to me. My sister-in-law had the most put-together house on their island; naturally the whole family has a house. And my niece's house was very much a dollhouse, and that's just about the cutest thing ever.

And then, once all was said and done, I soaked long in a bath, my fiance came home, we watched Death Note, and then I fell asleep drawing (also we banged nice) and I practically had the best day ever, despite being injured.

TL;DR: I love my family.

All the best,
ohmi

Two days ago I was daydreaming about moving away somewhere cheap and becoming a full-time artist/content creator. It doesn't seem impossible until I realize I'm up to my neck in student loan debt. So I daydream about not having debt, and decide there and then that any money I make with commissions will herefore go toward my student debt until the bastard is gone, and then I dream about owning a house. Anyway, shortly thereafter I learn that the company I work for is closing their shares and everyone who owns any must be paid out. I learn I have 3000, and they will be paid out at around $6 a share. Of course, I will have to pay taxes on this chunk of change, but... I might be able to completely pay off one of my two loans. I'm trying not to lose my shit over this, but I'm failing. I might be able to finally snowball my way out of debt. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Until then.

All the best,
ohmi

Made a few big purchases, a DDR pad and an Occulus Quest 2. I've been wanting to exercise lately, but gyms are still closed due to sickness & the air quality has been so poor because of the fires that I'm discouraged from going on hikes. So, maybe learning to play some different video games will help ^^; I'm very close to having no commissions in my queue, which is extremely cool and anxiety inducing. Everything seems to be anxiety inducing at the moment. I wonder why? Also I've found new back fat under my arms and I'm really hating myself over it. I went from weight lifting, hiking, dieting for my wedding body, to back fat. This year has been great for art and terrible on my body. Also, after lamenting my current physical state, my fiance went shopping and came back with chocolates, 2 packs of oreos, a family sized bag of chips, and ice cream. I wanted to cry.

All the best,
ohmi

My brother, his wife & children visited. I managed to catch some time with them on the tail end of my week-long vacation. The vacay was good, relaxing. I pushed myself hard to do art stuff, but it never really feels like enough. Anyway, my brother's family is beautiful and fun. My fiance got to meet them and they got along wonderfully. We stayed up until 12 chatting, and my partner and I were exhausted. We're almost done with the first Gundam series. I'm sallying forth through a difficult commission. I'd like to 3D model again once I'm free of comms. But I also need money... I'm saving up to buy my first (purchased/new) car. Forgive my short, simple "I" statements. I probably have 5-6 hours of sleep under my belt and I'm useless without 8 or more. I just want to... make things... and be healthy.....

All the best,
ohmi

I noticed a few spirits rising now that "fall" is upon us. The fires in Cali are being contained, we've had a few sprinkles. It's not bad overall. I finished Count of Monte Cristo; what a sociopath. I loved it. Rewatched Akira and Baby Driver with my parents last night, while I stopped by to do laundry. Shared an Ike's Sandwich with my dad (the Hot Momma Huda) and he loooved it. My cat looks like he's gotten in fights, might have a lump on his ribs, but overall he's a Good Boy. Yesterday my partner woke me up with something unpleasant, but once I stood up for myself he apologized and really, all was well. It felt good to be heard, and I was sorry for his frustration. We have good communication. We're all human. This Friday is an art-restrospective stream for an album cover I did for one of my favorite musicians. I've been listening to her work since middle school (over 10 years), and I can't say it was one of my dreams to make album art for her, because I simply never thought that was something that would ever happen. Well! What a twist of fate!! And now I talk to this person practically every day, and they are a joy. And they are human too (which is pretty great). There are hard things going on too, but I'm filling things around me with too much good to let it bother me. Keep on keeping on.

All the best,
ohmi

I fail to notice how I went so long without an entry. Time flies. The last week has been hellish. Deaths, heat warnings, thunder storms, and now a fire north of here that is unpredictable. I fear it may come closer to where I work and we may have to evacuate. As I listen to books it is periodically interrupted by an incredibly loud warning sound coming from my phone and my coworkers'. I don't want to be afraid. I am already deathly depressed. On the flip side, I cleaned my car, paid all my bills, and scheduled a massage. I am trying to be happy. The people around me are supportive; The world is against me.

All the best,
ohmi

I had a good dream last night, however the only one I can remember is the one of my partner and I trying to escape a burning city. The echo of pleasant feelings from the good dream still linger, and so I am sated. I stumbled across the internet to find journals, recent ones, of people logging their experiences during quarantine. I'm impassioned and filled with a burning desire to spread the good word that is web building. I'm just so happy to see an outlet for people that isn't social media or large app platforms (my skin crawls to even type it). I'm being dramatic. But I've also been listening to 7 straight hours of Count of Monte Cristo, so I think I'm allowed to be. Shit rules.

All the best,
ohmi

My partner loves his new job (even though it's only been a day). I'm working vigorously to keep creative. It's detracting from other aspects of life, but because of quarantine, I barely have other aspects of life. So I am still fulfilled. I'm hoping when my partner's days are longer, I'll have three hours to myself each day after work. I'll go on walks, do more focused work, or lounge extra hard. We'll see. It's getting colder out. Not quite fall. This summer felt pitifully short. If my wedding had gone through, I'd be on the beach...

All the best,
ohmi

Partner starts a new job today. Here's looking to bright futures uwu! I slept very little, but for some reason that energizes me (it is probably a fake energy and I will crash later). Had terrible Salo dreams. I dreamt I was a girl escaping the place on foot, and once she died I dreamt I was a boy escaping via stolen car. There were high-school friends there. Definitely some unresolved trauma there HA. It was a fucked up movie to say the least. Aside from that, last night I got to work on a commission, talk about Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, play phone games, watch Gundam, and eat good food with my partner. A good night overall. Today I have very little plans. We'll see.

All the best,
ohmi

This journal was made today. If and when I can help it, I'd like to journal my days in these troubled times. I think it will help me remember, and will track my progress in whatever it is I'm doing. It'll be different than typical site updates. It'll be a little more intimate and personal. Maybe I'll have to use code names to cover some things... We'll see. I hope this helps my retention overall. My brain no work so good sometimes.

This section might be boring for some people. But I will enjoy it.

All the best,
ohmi

This is a retroactive post. Today was difficult and I slept for most of it. I had hoped to draw or work on commissions, but my medication was getting the best of me. Head swam, but I got through it. Tomorrow is a new day.

All the best,
ohmi

This template was founded by Almost Sweet. I'd like to thank them for sharing & I look forward to tweaking it and putting my own flavor on it.

A couple of things to remind myself of: Visual Novel maker. Twine is one of them. I'll expand on this later. Also, how am I going to link on this? Don't ask me. Thanks for reading!

All the best,
ohmi